do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
