if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
