how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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