Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
