Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
