it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
