I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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