yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize