But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
nutella sex= disaster
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
