I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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