He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
