He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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