Sacagawea was the original milf.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
