I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize