So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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