And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
