can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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