they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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