Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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