Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
