Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
