i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
