Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
