Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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