Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
