I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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