Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
