she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize