if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
