Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
