He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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