also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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