I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
