dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
