I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cockslap morals
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
