She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
