im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
