can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
