he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
