How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
