U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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