don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I will be naked everywhere
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
