I will die if light touches me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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