I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
