if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
