med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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