You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
