I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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