You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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