when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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