I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
