update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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