I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
