My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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