Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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