but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
