apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
even my farts smell like vagina
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
