YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
