new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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