i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Come see our sink grown plant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
