Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
