then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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