I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
God, I missed his penis.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
