Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
