Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
