i jhust puked up my retainher.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
