The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
