A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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