i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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