no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
