I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
